Really....Really?

The last couple days have been quite emotional.  It all started Thursday afternoon.  I was starting to have some contraction-type pain, but couldn't pinpoint exactly what was going on.  I prayed through the night that I could just make it to Friday because I already had a scheduled appt.  At my appt. Friday I got sent over to Labor and Delivery here at IU West.  I'm pretty sure I should get frequent flyer points for being here and should automatically get upgraded to the best suite...I mean, I had just gotten discharged on Tuesday!  So, the doctor on call started me on a lower dose of mag.  After about 3 hrs. it didn't seem to be doing much as my contractions were still coming pretty strong and close together.  The doctor then wanted to up the mag, which I was not in favor of.  After a lot of tears, I finally agreed to enter the mag coma again.  Later yesterday evening I was still having contractions and the doc said my cervix felt like it changed, so we agreed to just let nature take its course.  Well, as much as I know it is best for baby to stay inside longer, I was really excited to think that baby could be coming soon.  Well, after I went off the mag, the contractions seem to totally subside and I went to bed having very few contractions and went the whole night that way.  This morning a new doctor on call came in to check me and said my cervix hadn't changed.  That definitely gave me a mix of emotions.   I know it is best for the baby, but it only made me wonder what it will take and how long will it take for contractions to pick back up for baby to come out?  To think that I will be spending another week or more in the hospital, missing our kids, finding places for them to go, the stress of being so far along but not needing/wanting Cade to miss work and spend every moment feeling he needs to be here for this to happen...it's all a little much.  It's hard when I call home and I hear the kids crying in the background over something I feel I could fix or make better.  You'd think we'd be experts at handling this by now!  I don't know that anything could ever prepare a woman who is CEO of her household to handle this...moms should have a backup plan, I guess, but I just didn't have time to write the manual!  Fortunately, Cade has done an incredible job of stepping up to the plate and filling the roles for both of us, but I know he's tired.  We're both tired in different ways from different things, but it's just taking it's toll.  I know I've mentioned this before, but I don't know how people do this without the strength of the Lord to lean into, or just to hold the foundation of their marriage together.   
   At this point today I feel like I'm doing much better.  Although there is still the unknown, I'm seeing a glimpse of light.  I'm glad I'm at IU West, my nurses have been great, the food is better (than downtown anyway), and I have my own doctor on call this weekend.  I am so thankful my sister Amy came in town again this weekend to help out at home.  It just gives us a safety net if Cade has to leave last minute or through the night.
  God has been so good and faithful through all of this.  I have really missed attending worship services at church, so I've been watching Aaron preach online.  It gives me some connection.  I am also so grateful for the friends who continue to send encouraging words and scripture.  I know He is here with me, and I know I just need to fully surrender at this point and give it ALL over to Him.  Maybe He's wondering if I've fully learned what He has wanted me to.  I continue to pray that I give over all of that control and know that it is all in His timing, not mine!
  Looking forward to dinner with Cade and kids up here tonight!  Miss them!