I Know It's Not More Than I Can Handle

   Between yesterday and this morning, I'm feeling really overwhelmed with emotion.  Honestly, I'm just tired of this.  It's so hard to not help put the kids to bed, do chores and cleaning around the house, and simple grocery shopping (along with a million other things).  I know some of you moms that might be reading this might think that not having to do those things sound like a great vacation, and it would be if I was in Florida for a week, but not when I'm having to sit around and watch it around me.  It breaks my heart that our kids are so confused and don't understand all of this (even though I doubt they will remember much a year from now), and although he hasn't complained, Cade is juggling  a lot and is completely exhausted by the time the kids go to bed. 
   Sometimes I think this would be a little more bearable if the weather would brighten up.  I know last week when I came home, and through most of the weekend, it was such a blessing that is was dry and sunny!  The kids were so happy playing outside in the water and riding bikes.  And it was nice to be outside again on the back porch with my neighbor friends (oh, and the best neighbors ever!).   I guess I know that kind of weather is right around the corner and sooner than later, I'll be begging for fall (I know, we're never satisfied!). 
   On a more positive note, through all of this, we are so grateful for many people and things, but especially for our church family.  We really do feel like our church body is an extension of our family.  So many people have been sending emails and cards, many of the staff has done meals over the last month, and a life group from church even put together some fun bags for the kids!   I have also had a great handful of church friends come up to the hospital and visit (and bringing all kinds of goodies!).  I honestly don't know what or how people get through difficult times without Christ or without the Body that surrounds them.  I get so much strength and encouragement from their faith, especially when I feel like I'm losing hope that there will actually be an end to this.  I think something I've really been missing in the last 6 weeks has been actually attending church.  I have been watching the sermons online (so grateful for technology), but I miss that time to get the full worship experience.  I will be so happy to get back to church...it is something that really feeds me each week, and I think that lack of nourishment has made me a little weak (but I know when we're not getting the "full meal" we might need to supplement, and I can't say I've felt like I've done a good job of that). 
   Sorry this post wasn't so positive, but today's a day when I really just needed to be real and transparent.  This is hard and it's starting to wear on me.  I know with God's strength I can make it through this last little stretch, and in a matter of weeks, I will be begging for time to just lay on the couch and not have a house to clean.  I know this has taught me to appreciate the things I have, the people in my life, and the little things I am ABLE to do.  I'm really going to try to pull myself out of this slump and make the most of this time to rest and spend small moments with our kids. 
  Well, hopefully today will bring some sunshine...if not outside, at least inside of me.  I have a friend coming over to hang out and help today, so I'm sure that will help.  Thanks for continued reminders of your support, love, and encouragement.