June vs. Jill

  So, last night I was having a June Cleaver moment as I baked my cookies...well, the more I think about it, it wasn't like June Cleaver would have experienced at all!  I didn't wear an apron, rather, the sweat pouring from my brow, from not just baking cookies, but the 20 other things I was doing as well.  I don't think the Beaver or Wally stood in line asking for chunks of cookie dough as a little treat, and I never saw June wearing a Baby Bjorn in any episode while baking either?  Yes, June was a great mother, so well-tempered and self-controlled, and always seemed organized and put-together, and I often look around and see "June Cleavers" at church, in the grocery store, the library, etc...buuuuuuuutttt, that's a far cry from what I experience day-to-day as a mom of four.  I've realized I'm putting these other women on a pedestal (and am sinfully jealous), and trying to be that woman instead of who God made me...hot mess and all!  So, over the course of this week, I have been laughing to myself about the things that happen and I realize it's because I'm a mom, and there's just craziness that comes with it!  These aren't always things I'm proud of (by any means), or things I'd choose to converse about over a nice dinner with friends I'm trying to impress, but just things a mom, or anyone who knows a mom well, would understand.  So, here's my list of reasons I know I'm a mom (in no particular order!):

1.  As I've been trying to REALLY organize the house AGAIN to get ready for homeschooling, I've realized that some people have "junk drawers", but I have junk drawers, a junk closet, and just junk EVERYWHERE!

2.  I've started working out again in the last couple weeks.  I've realized I am the lady in the Goodwill commercial who will never fit into many of my clothes again.  I mean, baby #3 took me over the edge, and well, this baby #4 just killed my body!

3.  Speaking of working out, can any mom really do such a thing anymore without wetting herself just a little?  Not to mention sneeze, cough, or be startled suddenly?

4.  This week I was trying to get a lot accomplished without much success (imagine that?).  Last night I found myself making a "to do" list of things I'd already done just so I could cross things off and feel like I did something this week!

5.  I love listening to my music and singing in the van (by myself!).  However, there is nothing more wasteful in the sense of that time than when I find myself riding in the van (by myself), and for the first 15 minutes, listening to children's music and singing along....ahhhh!

6.  I have to admit....there is something sad about yelling at your kids to stop yelling!!

7.  I try to put in place a lot of "systems", routines, new rules, etc... that only last a day or two...it's hard to find order and consistency in motherhood...still working on it!

8.  My kids sometimes (ok, more than sometimes) don't eat fruits and veggies at every meal and sometimes (ok, lots of times) I feel like a made-to-order cook.  This is something I'm definitely wanting to work on, and for this reason,  it makes dinnertime one of my least favorite times of the day (when it should be one of the most valued).  With all of the kids at their ages (which shouldn't be an excuse, I know), I sometimes feel like we're even eating in shifts (but, honestly, we do almost always eat together as a family every night).  Mealtime is definitely something we're working on in our house.

9.  On the contrary, one of my favorite moments of the day is bedtime...not actually the kids bedtime, but my bedtime.  I love looking in on the kids and seeing them sleeping peacefully.  And honestly, it's not always because they're sleeping peacefully, but simply because they're ASLEEP and it's peaceful!!

10.  I struggle every day to know if  I'm doing a good job and the right things for my family.  Am I showing them Christ's love through my words and actions...am I an example to them?  Am I spending enough time with them as a group or one-on-one?  Do they know they're loved for who they are or am I making them feel like they're not good enough?  Am I making a safe environment for them--to speak to me and share their thoughts and fears?  I think these are the thoughts that make me a mom more than anything...the thoughts that run through my mind (from Satan, of course) that make me doubt that God gave me this family because He knew I could do it...He knew I could love them and care for them as He would (ok, ok, He would do a much better job, and surely wouldn't wet His pants, but you get it). 

  Looking forward to a new week full of hope... hope that I can work on each of these things, but still find joy in the valleys and in all the work God has set before me.  More than anything, through my family and in this work, I am finding the rough patches in my own life...the things that are holding me back from being the mom, wife, and woman God desires me to be.  But, each day I get a new chance to make better decisions for Him and in Him.  Praise Him!