Friday, September 9, 2011

I Have Confidence...Sometimes

  The theme running through my mind these days and with other women in recent weeks seems to be that of confidence.  Why is it that as women we are constantly doubting ourselves...our abilities, the way we look, the way we are raising our children, decisions that need to be made, etc...  Maybe that's not you, but it's something I've struggled with lately.  
  I have been homeschooling now for three weeks.  Even though I'm enjoying it, and am loving watching Brooklyn and those "I get it" moments, I can't help but lack that confidence that I've made the right decision.  Did I choose the right curriculum?  Are we on track?  Should she be in a school building?  The questions are always pouring in.  However, I've learned through this process that we made this decision over time...we listened to God and were led to this plan for our family.  It may only be in His plan for the next year, or five years, but I have to remain most confident in my trust in Him and that He is speaking to us in many avenues.  Doors of opportunity to continue to open, therefore, I AM CONFIDENT!
  In contrast, as I mentioned in a previous post, I continue to lack confidence in my appearance.  Yes, I know I just had a baby (but that excuse is slowly wearing away the older she gets!), but I have friends that did too and they're already in their skinny jeans!  I know we were all made different, but I just feel like I carry less confidence in myself every time it's time to get dressed.  I dread the mirror and what it's telling me.  However, I'm learning that I'm allowing myself to believe the mirror and not believe in the God who created me in His love and in His image.  I know God looks at my heart and the gifts I have to offer the world...only I'm having trouble fully giving those away because the mirror is stealing that from me.  I NEED CONFIDENCE!
  Every day God is giving me choices to allow Him to lead with His plan, or for the world and my deceiving mind to take control.  Unfortunately, I find myself failing as the opinions of others cloud my mind.  Our pastor spoke about this last Sunday, and I knew God was using that message to speak to me.  I've had several conversations this week to confirm that...I've spoken with other women to confirm that they struggle with the same issues.  So, I write about these things, not in hopes that I have others to "suffer" with me, but so we can encourage one another in understanding that we are beautiful people...people who have gifts from God to share...to help each other realize that God wants to use us despite the clouded lens we look through.   We need one another for that reminder that it's not about your pants size, whether you send your kid to preschool, you choose to homeschool/private school/public school, you do/don't crafts with your kids, you choose to/not to workout, you lead a Bible Study or you're you only attend, or whatever struggle your facing with lack of confidence about yourself as mom, wife, or woman.  Find someone this week and be transparent with them...tell them where you're weak; a concern in your life where you're not confident, and work together to see how God is working there; what is He teaching you?; and what will it take for you to find confidence in Him.   
 I feel like I'm just throwing up my thoughts tonight.  I want to be more confident...I even keep singing that song "I Have Confidence" from The Sound of Music.  As much as that helps, I'm still going to count on hearing God speak into my life for His leading.  When I follow Him there's not need to doubt the decisions we make or the person I am.  Take care.

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